Yes, we did fall off the face of the earth...

I am going to share some troubling things of where we have been in the last months. I just want to explain first that I dont share as to uncover sins, to complain, or even out of depression or self pity. I share to praise the LORD!! To share how, yes, sometimes he really leads us through the valleys, how sometimes he allows the enemy to attack in severe ways, He allows us to go through the fire and why?...what for?...Sometimes its because of sin, but most of the time its not. Sometimes we are lacking something in our character that can be produced through trials and tribulations. Sometimes its to be refined to become that much more beautiful and in His image. And sometimes its for no other reason but to prove to ourselves, to the world, and to Satan that no matter what happens in our lives "I will serve and praise the Lord!!" Not that I compare myself to the righteousness and integrity that Job beheld, but I really felt like Job lately. Every avenue of my life has been scarred. I lost almost everything. As you know we had to move back to Oregon. We had to sell everything we owned in order to get here. I had to quit school and job. So we didnt have much left. We are living in a travel trailer with an outhouse which was only intended to be temporary (1 month at max is now 5). So I lost my home, my feeling of having my space in this world, my feeling of security, my feeling of rest, my feeling of 'home'. We couldnt find jobs (believe it or not this was a shock to us, never had a problem before). So we then lost our vehicle, feeling of self worth, any bit of pride. This was very humbling. But this was all material things, my worldly posessions. Then I lost my husband. You see, the past few years have been tough for Ben in so many ways and he had gotten so angry and so bitter. He was especially angry with me and God for a long time. He had lost his way and I was losing my will and desire to be married to him (I feel very ashamed to say it but its true). I knew I and the kids needed the families support through this time and thats why we moved back. Which was a good idea, because not long after we got here he called it quiting time. That was it. I became a single mother, my kids were crushed and in terrible pain. And I felt like all this time of trying so hard to hold it together, so hard to keep a healthy normal life for my kids, so hard to protect them from this kind of thing, this kind of pain, and I had failed. It was so out of my control that all I could do was hold them and cry with them. And share with them that even though this was truly a horible experience for them, that Jesus was still here and He still loved them so much and even though we dont understand now, to have hope that Jesus still had a plan for us. By this time, the hurt and pain I felt for my kids and myself was almost too much to bare. Also during this time, my niece whom I adored went onto heaven. I was attacked by a stranger (my kids with me) and she accused me of hitting her car because her child said I did while she was in the store. She had no marks on her car and we know we didnt but she is now trying to sue me. Because of this I kept getting pulled over by the police on a daily basis, never getting a ticket though. And then on the 5th night of this adventure the car that I was using broke down at 10 at night as I was coming home. Also dealing with trials of my kids being attacked in various ways. Also, problem with my health that I deal with off and on, came on fast and furious since we've been in Oregon.(By the way, the Lord did give me a temporary job for a couple months through this time.) I got to the point where I was thinking, if I just didnt make any sudden moves, if I didnt breathe, if I just sat really still, if I didnt talk, if I could hide away this season would leave me alone and pass by but I knew I couldnt do that. So I just prayed and prayed and held onto Jesus for all I was worth and loved on my kids and tried to keep instilling hope in them and trust in the Lord. And when we were in the car we would praise to the tops of our lungs at times and sometimes with tears. Then one day coming home, singing praises to the Lord as we sang,
"Blessed be the name of The Lord, Blessed be Your Glorious name. You give and take away, you give and take away. I will CHOOSE to say, Blessed Be The Name..."
As I was singing it dawned on me that this song is taken from the book of Job, from what Job said as his wife left, his health went sour, his possesions were gone and even when his children had died!!!And then the Lord reminded me, "You have been singing this song all along and so have your children." And I remembered, everytime something would happen (because at one point it was a daily basis) I would lightly say, "Well, 'The Lord giveth, and The Lord taketh away'" And I relized it was an acceptance that it was all completely out of my hands, its ALL in HIS hands. And all along He was giving me peace, beyond my circumstances. And I have never felt so solid in my faith and trust in Him. I truly trust in Him and whatever path He leads me on. And whatever things that are beyond my control in my childrens life, I really do trust HIM!! And I envisioned this huge crazy storm around the kids and I, but we were like in this bubble. Life can be truly horrible at times, but we will serve the Lord and praise Him. PRAISE HIM!! So, this must have been the Lord letting me know that this season was finally going to pass. Right before Christmas, Ben made a 180. I guess the Lord had been doing some deep stuff in his heart and he repented...to God and to me. And we are reconciling our marriage. There is a difference in him that I haven't seen in him in a few years. But its still step by step and prayer by prayer. But this is the biggest thing in my life and my kids life, and the Lord is truly miraculously restoring. And I have seen a great strength in my kids. The Lord has become more real and more tangible to them. And if the Lord does allow us to continue on our trailer adventure I still make this proclamation, BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!

Our Last Time To The Beach

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Happy Birthday Obi

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

On The Road Again...

Yep, here we go again...headed back to our home town area...The Rogue Valley. Through a small family crisis, we realized that we need to be close to family and friends and plugged back into some great churches back at home. This year has been tough financially, because our income relys on tourism and that just isn't happening...even in Orlando. Our hotel told us that the numbers are looking even more severe this year for at least 9mo., they even asked us to go on a month vacation if we could- ha,ha,ha,as if we have that kind of money. So, Ben and I had every intention of finding a cheaper home(which almost became impossible); try to find different jobs(which was impossible- hiring freezes and businesses shutting down); Ben was going to start a coffee business(he's gonna wait on that idea, due to the economy and our finances being week, but its still a dream)and try and try and pray and pray. Then, through a little family crisis (won't go into, silly stuff) we realized we need to be close to those we love, our kiddos need to be close to grandparents and cousins right now also. And we haven't been involved in ministry lately to keep us here...we haven't even been in church for a few months(all the good ones are at least an hour away-'bible believing' churches are hard to find here) and we just haven't been able to take the steps to start a church (and thats the reason we moved here in the first place). So, with all that we feel in our hearts, that its just time. No promises that we wont, in the far, far future end up back in Florida, because we do love it and warm weather. The kids are very very very excited to go back (Emiliah keeps asking if we can bring back the palm trees though). And I will continue on my dream of becoming a nurse...actually the programs available in the valley are far better than what is available here. By the way, I am really excited, I ended another term with A's again. And the more I learn the more interested I get...I loved my Anatomy and Physiology class. So, I am writing this at last moment, we will be home the first week of September and we cant wait to see everyone there. Please pray for us, there is a lot of stress that goes into moving, finding jobs, finding a home. I have a saying written on a piece of paper hanging up on my front door... "But God..." When I am stressed and saying, "What are we supposed to do, Am I doing the right thing, How is this going to work, I just dont know???" I look at my saying to remind myself, that true I dont know, but God knows. True this doesn't look like its going to work out, but God is going to work it out, in His way. But God is going to meet us in His perfect way and I know we will be blown away with amazement at His handywork. But God...will fulfill His promises to us. But God...will tend to my children and protect them and guide their paths also. But God will continue to lead and guide me as I seek Him. But God...

Something seems familiar.....

Emiliah brought home a little picture from school and we put it on our fridge....Today as I was preparing dinner for everyone I just so happened to notice the picture again and thought boy something about that picture seems so familiar... So I did a little digging and found this other pic check it out, it so funny and I guess there will never be any doubt who this little girls daddy is...

Tif Finished Her 1st Term

Make a Smilebox photobook

I made it!! WOW! At times, I really doubted if I could handle it. I am pretty sure I did really well, also. I finished my finals last week... I get a week break... and then I do it again starting next week. But, this last term I realized I bit off more than I can chew. If I want to be the mom I want to be and the wife I want to be and the employee I want to be and the student I want to be, then I have to take it a little easier. I will only be going to school part-time until I get into the nursing program. I cant cut back on work, and I just cant neglect my family, and I don't want to miss moments with my kiddos anymore, so school is going to take just a bit longer. I have never had so much on my plate before as I did these last few months. I had a hard time falling to sleep as I had disaccharides, haploid cells, the ethical beliefs of Khan, and the psychodynamic viewpoint jumping across my brain. But it was fun, I really enjoy learning and I had opportunities to share my faith and my life with others.
The kids have been doing so well lately!! Emiliah just had her 7th b-day and her 1st sleepover. Screaming little girls till midnight and then they were up at 7am. We painted nails, curled hair, did make-up, learned Hannah Montana's "HoeDown ThrowDown", played twister, watched "Tinker Bell" and ate goodies!! Obi is still doing his tap classes and he just finished "Mileage Club" (his jogging group). He wrote his first book and there was a program to have it published... he was very excited about that. A lot of you know how we struggled with Obi in kindergarten, with his reading and things just not connecting for him (dislexia). It has been a transition of watching him blossom the past few years. My biggest fear at the beginning was that he would end up hating school and give up someday. We have watched things turn around for him, he has done well and he loves school. Then lately, Ben and I see this great intelligence in Obi- he looks at everything differently, and is very creative. We often have said though, if only we could get his teachers and the school to see what we see in him... you cant see it with tests. Well, this last week we got a letter from the school asking if they can enroll Obi in the "Gifted Program". We are so proud of him and even better... he is 'sheepishly' proud of himself. And then Jesh just keeps doing very well in school...my '4.0 without even trying' kid. We got a letter from the Orlando Science Middle School. They specialize in science, math, technology, and international studies and they have a high school also. If you graduate from the high school there, when you go into college you are automatically a junior. And in order to go to the high school, you have to have been accepted to their middle school. We are praying about it all though. There are lots of scams and bad choices here- even for schools. And, we would be moving Jesh to yet another school... he has yet to go to one school longer than a year. But, it may be a great opportunity for him. Pray, Pray, Pray for wisdom!!! I feel bad for Jesh though, he tried out for every sport this year, but because they only took 2-3 6th graders for the teams, he never made a team!! He was especially bummed about Track and Field- he's a runner... for the last day of try-outs they were down to 3 6th graders, and Jesh got the cut. And now they are talking about cutting sports next year. He is going to Oregon in June for a little over a month (my heart just fell to my toes) and he is really looking forward to seeing family,going to the cabin, and going to Strawberry Mountain Christian Fellowship again. And what is Ben doing these days? He has been working alot and being a good house keeper, taxi driver and chef for us!! But, the hamster wheel has been turning lately. He is doing some research and is going to put together a proposal to see if he can get a business loan to start his own business. Its been something he has talked about for a long time!!For years he has wanted to start his own coffee business. I think it would be REALLY good for him, for us, for the kids. It would be a miracle if a bank would give us a loan!! So, please please please pray for him. As you can see we have been enjoying the life God has blessed us with for today. And He just continues to mold us and refine us. My biggest prayer is that wherever He has each one of us, that whatever we are doing, we would glorify Him in everything. That we would radiate Christ!

Tiffany's Back In School

Yep, can you believe it? Today was my first day. Ben and I have been praying about this for a year. Ben has been all for it, but it was me dragging my feet. Its scarey! My mind has been 'mushy' for 14 years... yes 14 years ago I dropped out of college. I am wanting to get into the nursing program here (its a VERY good program here) but I have some prerequisites to take care of first. Last time I went to college it was to be an elementary school teacher, so I have all the wrong credits. The nursing program is tough, so its good to take some classes first to get back into study-school mode. So, my first class is online...clinical nutrition.. which I am most excited about...I love nutrition. I thought this would be my easiest class, but after today I found out, its not...at all. Then I have Ethics...thought it would be a hard class,but nope. Its a discussion forum class on recent ethical issues (abortion, genetic manipulation, environmental issues to name a few), but I have a feeling I am going to stick out like a sore thumb...my reasonings will be biblical and faith based and I believe in absolutes. This will be interesting. Then I have biological sciences which is split into 2 classes(lab and lecture). Science was always my worst subject... I even avoided chemistry in high school. Today we converted into scientific notation and worked with the metric system. Then I also have psychology. I am also going to continue to work and at the same time make sure my home and family are never neglected in any way,shape, or form!! Please pray for me...wisdom, ability to retain knowledge,to do well in school, protection from sin and temptation, that my husband and kids will be even more blessed and not lack of anything from me, energy, attitude, and my health (this is important, my health hasn't been good lately), my relationship with God, and financial (I tend to stress...hyperventilate!) I need sleep now. Thank you for your prayers, Tiffany